Bittersweet
October 17, 2007 at 9:12 AM
by Ashleigh
Autumn is beautiful this year.
We had a week of sunlight and dappled shadow, and leaves blowing and magical moments.
Now it's over.
There's something about the grey though.
The colours stand out more and the promise of the sky exploding into sunlight seems to lie just behind the clouds.
I feel uncharacteristically contemplative today.
It's my last week with my kids at home, it's autumn vacation. I'm going to stop being a stay-at-home mommy and become... I don't know? Something else? A militant feminist working mom?
The world is turning.
Ever feel as though you stand on a cross-roads and you can take any one of four directions, but once you make the choice your path is irrevocably chosen and you can't step off it?
Looking back at my life there have been several instances where I've stood at the junction of the rest of my life.
Previously I'd dived into my choices and thought 'I've done this. I can't go back'.
Now I stand, rather hesitantly, with one foot on one path, the other on another and I wonder which way to go.
I'd like to ask for directions, but like most things the more information you have the more confusing the choices become.
Ooh, how deep of me! I'll stop now.
Go and look at my photos of our day in the Bos on Monday.
Go on, go!
Comments
Hi Ash Loved your blog. So, you re thinking of working outside the home that is! I remember about 30 years ago facing the same choice. I could just see my children running amok without me to keep an eye on them. All sorts of disadvantaged situations sprung to my mind. Well, they never happened. Children grew up OK. Both went to University and on to study PHds. No deprivation at all! Now that they have left home, I do feel the empy nest syndrome as I am now retired. However, I think I would be feeling a lot, lot worse if I had not involved myself more in my own career.
Try work for size and if it doesn't suit after a few months, try another job.
Jan
I'm sure you will find the right direction.
ooooh sounds kinda exciting and terrifying at the same time! most good things in life seem to start out that way :) all the best to you! x
LOVE the shoe! I need a pair or 2 of those. Would you be so kind to tell me if you could buy them and how much they would be?
Ash,
I understand your mood all too well. Since early September I've been feeling so unsettled, trying to chart a new path for my life, getting ready to move to America, trying to figure out some family issues.
I'm always reminding myself to be patient, to recognize that I can't force answers to my Big Questions, that I just have to wait and keep myself in a state of mind where I'll recognize Truth and Clarity when I see them.
Hmm. Deep thoughts, Ash. But you are contemplating some pretty huge changes, so it's good to think about them deeply ... sort of try them on for size. I'm pretty certain you'll love working, and that you'll find a great balance between working and mothering. Your boys will find a new layer of you, and they'll be the richer for it.
Looking forward to Sunday!
October 17, 2007 2:30 PM