E is for Elephants and Elephant Shit
August 11, 2007 at 8:00 AM
by Ashleigh
Today's photo is of me, taken today, just to prove to you that people can survive the wilds of Africa
Nice title huh? I bet you're sitting on the edge of your seat waiting to find out exactly what I was doing with the elephants, and the elephant shit.
To start off I need to tell you about our family's camp between Mana Pools and Chirundu, which is on the Zambezi River and how we would go there every few months to have a camping holiday.
A real camping holiday! None of this namby-pamby flushing toilets, ablution blocks and hot water showers.
This was the real deal. A long drop which had a covering only at the front so if someone happed to walk around the back of it they'd see your ass hanging out. Complete with resident scorpions which ensured that you checked the seat thoroughly before sitting down. No fun being bitten on the fanny by a scorpion! It's not a good idea to ask me how I know that!
A shower with a pulley that tipped a bucket of water onto your head. Quick, soap, lather, rinse under another bucket. Get dressed as quick as you can.
Where did the bucket of water come from? The river of course! Where did your drinking water come from? Ditto.
What did everyone do when they needed to pee but couldn't get to the longdrop? Uh, you guessed it ...
So, the conditions were just a little bit primitive.
All the water was boiled before we could drink it. You had to be careful what you sat on and at night we slept under mosquito nets. Of course, we got annihilated by mosquitos when awake and not under the nets.
Most people drove the mozzies away with a combination of toxic amounts of alcohol and cigarettes, but us kids weren't so lucky.
I remember one time being bitten so badly by mosquitos that every single inch of my body (and I mean every) was covered in welts.
The stretchers squeaked, my dad snored, the hyenas howled, the lions roared, the sun came up at 5 am. It was so hot you wanted to die and you couldn't swim in the river because of the crocodiles...
What's not to like?
There were good parts too, the sun rising against the mopane trees, the tea which was hot, sugary and full of condensed milk, the wildlife.
Ok, you got me there.
I'm having a hard time thinking of more plusses.
It certainly wasn't a good time to bond with one's parents, unless bonding involved sitting on a motorboat for 12 hours a day while the dads fished, the moms got drunk and the hippos and crocodiles eyed their next meal, which they thought might be you.
So, back to the elephant shit.
The one time we were coming back from Chirundu and my folks stopped at a hotel, which had a lookout over a waterhole, where, quite obviously, elephants visited.
Where elephants visit elephants also shit. A lot.
So me and my friend took a walk down to the waterhole while all the parents carried on with their goal to drink as much as possible in as short a time as possible while still being able to maneouvre a vehicle.
We got down there and we thought the mud smelled a bit ...strong.
Then we stepped into it and our shoes stayed behind. So we tried to retrieve our shoes, and they wouldn't budge.
Then we just decided to go all out and roll in it.
I can't remember much of the rolling part actually.
What I do remember very clearly is the horrified faces of the grownups when we finally gave up on the mud-bathing and went back to the bar.
These two kids, stinking of elephant shit, covered from head to toe in black goop, shoes missing.
I don't think all the alcohol consumption in the world could have obliterated that stench.
The best part, in retrospect, is that they had to sit in the car with us for the five hour journey home!
Comments
You're gorgeous! I admire your guts to put your picture here, then again, you're gorgeous so...
Keep the stories coming I'm enjoying this so much!
Hilarious. Serves your parents right! Actually (apart from the elephant shit) and obviously the location, our Easter camping trips with the in-laws sound very similar. All washing, shower water comes from the river (but we do bring bottled water to drink), pump shower, hole in the ground toilet. Unfortunately I don't even drink alcohol during that time to make things seem more palatable, as I give up for Lent. May have to rethink that one.
Ashleigh~I'm really finding your meme so fascinating. Not only is it really interesting in terms of learning a bit more about you, of course, but I really enjoy reading about your life in Africa and Holland. Nothing like things here in the US, which is probably why it seems so attractive to me;) Thanks so much for participating in this and writing with such wonderful & descriptive detail! Can't wait for the rest:)
Hi Ashleigh,
Thank you for a very entertaining post!
Love the picture and the story. :)
I laughed till I snorted inelegantly. Great story Ash!
What a wonderful story, Ash. Made my lazy breakfast so much more enjoyable!
August 11, 2007 10:36 AM