I read Neil's Citizen of the Month.

Neil talks a lot to his ... ah... penis. He's very empathetic though. Apparently that's his secret talent.

In between indulging his alter-ego he found time to do this meme, and then passed it onto me.

These were Neil's questions:

Did you learn to stitch and cook from your mother?

Yes and no.

My mom taught me to embroider, use a sewing machine and knit. My aunt taught me to crochet. I remember learning to sew a sampler. My mom drew lines on a thick linen cloth with a pencil, and embroidered the names of the stitches next to the line. Satin, stem, chain, fly, french knot etc etc. She did the first one of each and then I had to finish the row. I wish I still had that sampler.

When I was in high school I embroidered in the holidays and my mom sold my stuff for me at the local co-operative. She bought me an old Singer footpedal sewing machine which I also wish I still had. I learnt to use that before graduating to her electric Bernina machine.

The cooking is more difficult to explain. My mom didn't cook that often. She told the cook what to do most of the time and oversaw his work. He used to knock on the bedroom door at 6am with a tray of tea and ask my mom what she wanted to eat that day. She would give him breakfast, lunch and dinner requests and that's what he woudl make. He made breakfast and lunch and then went home until 6 pm when he returned to make dinner.

The times Mom cooked she usually made desserts or special things like marinades for meat or pretty salads. She's a good cook, she just didn't exercise her abilities that often when I was growing up.

I lived with my gran (dad's mom) during the week and my mom and dad on weekends. Gran taught me to cook basic foods like eggs, rice, potatoes. My gran did all the cooking herself, she didn't have a cook. She was a fantastic cook and I guess she influenced me the most. I had a book which I used with my gran called 'Cooking with Mother' by Ladybird Books. I still have it here. Many fond memories of helping Gran make cakes and scones. All that licking the bowl out made me a very chubby little girl.

At home on the weekends and in school holidays I often made desserts and cakes and made a huge mess of the kitchen. Luckily we had Ephraim and Kuma (the cook and maid) to clean it up!

Later on when I went to high school we had two compulsory years of Domestic Science. We learned important life skills like how to make cookies, cakes, boil rice, make jam, cook meat etc. The worst thing we ever made was Liver Pilaff (yuck!).

The worst thing I ever did in Domestic Science was set my pan alight during an exam. We had to make gingernuts (ginger biscuits/cookies) using a melted sugar syrup. I decided to heat the pan before adding the sugar in a misguided attempt to save time. The whole lot caught fire!

Luckily I still passed the exam. We had a battleaxe of a teacher. She was meant to teach us the gentle arts of housekeeping but there was nothing gentle about her. Someone must've rained on her parade very early on in her life because I have never met anyone as sour as her in the 20 years since!

Later, when I married my ex at 18 and had to suddenly cook for a family I learnt pretty quickly how to cook competently. Notable disasters - dropping a pizza face down and having to scrape it up and serve it!, and cooking a chicken with the giblets bag still inside (but hasn't everyone done this?)

What do the Dutch think of all the foreigners who come to Amsterdam for the pot and sex?

Well, not being Dutch I can't really answer what a real Dutch person would think of this, but judging by Dutch pragmatism the response is most likely, 'oh you want to come spend all your money here? go ahead!'

Personally I've only walked through the Red Light District on my way to the dentist (not a good association that one!), and we've never done one of those Red Light District tours in the four years we've lived here.

We haven't been in a coffeeshop either, but have had friends visit us who have indulged, which is fine, but it's just not our thing.

That specific sector of the tourist trade can be quite embarrassing to a lot of Dutch, but they recognise its monetary value. Remember, these businesses are taxed.

Dutch people can also be very tolerant of certain things, as long as they don't reach into their own homes. Which pretty much sums up my feelings on it all.

Finally, Amsterdam is quite a different beast to the rest of the Netherlands. The rest of the Netherlands can be quite conservative.

Who is your favorite artist?

I don't really have a favourite, but a few artists whose work I like are Paul Klee, Salvador Dali and David Hockney. I love Hockney's pools, probably because they represent a lifestyle that is exactly the opposite of mine.

I like the 'Masters' too, but I get more enthusiastic about more modern work.

Is one of your boys more of a troublemaker than the other?

I think they are able to cause equal amounts of trouble in different ways!

Sebastian is more outgoing, yet quieter and more intense. He is prone to outbursts when he gets pushed beyond his limits. His emotions are out there on his face for everyone to see and he can't hide his feelings at all.

He can be a bit of a sulker at times. He finds it difficult to lie.

Seb is very easily hurt and is quite a fragile child beneath his outgoing exterior. The personality trait that I think will cause the most trouble for him in the future is his desire to please everyone.

Joe is shy, but conversely more boisterous and active than Seb when he knows his companions well. He has perfected the art of pushing his big brother's buttons and provoking those outbursts that I mentioned above. Subsequently he basks in the attention he gets when he gets whacked by his brother.

Joe has less visible emotions than his brother but is more overtly physical, both in pushing and shoving and in hugging and kissing. He thinks about things for days before expressing them, unless it's something he doesn't want to do in which case he is terribly insistent and determined that he is right.

He is one of the most stubborn people I have ever met! I think in the future his refusal to budge from one position will either be a great advantage or a huge disadvantage.

It's quite strange that Seb will always compromise to keep everyone happy whereas Joe won't compromise at all. Such different children. Sometimes I look at them and wonder how the same DNA can produce such opposing characteristics.

They love each other very much and Joe will leap to his brother's defence if he thinks Seb is being insulted or threatened by anyone. He's like a fierce little terrier protecting a bone.

Their latest thing is that they have decided that they are twins, just born a bit apart, because being twins is better than being brothers!

Is there a characteristic of the Dutch that drives you crazy?

There used to be a few characteristics, but I think I've been assimilated!

The only one that still happens sometimes and still annoys me is the 'You can't do that!' refrain that sometimes rings out when you ask a peculiar or unexpected question.

It's an automatic response from a lot of people in positions of authority.

Those three little words 'Dat kan niet!' are enough to sink anyone's heart (but especially an expats!), but I know that there are a lot of Dutch people who have the same irritation with the 'Dat kan niet!'.

I believe that it's a response to years of bureacracy and having a 'right' way to do things.

Eventually I suppose one stops being a 'man with a plan' and starts being a person who 'follows the rules'. A little bit of spontaneity is lost in the process.

Thankfully, now that I've lived here long enough I challenge that response to try and find out why I can't do that and quite often there's a pretty good reason.

Equally often there's just 'oh, I didn't think of that.'

Thanks for the questions Neil! I'm passing the favour on and will award five questions to the first commenter to ask for them.