Calculated acts of kindness
April 21, 2007 at 2:54 PM
by Ashleigh
I was so touched to receive a parcel this week from Kelli!
Kelli has a wonderful annual event on her blog called 'Calculated Acts of Kindness' and I was a recipient of one of hers! Isn't it wonderful? She sent me a gorgeous hand-made Amy Butler clutch in lovely African colours and one of the CDs that she put together for her Toast to Africa party.
I love it all and the kids love the music. My clutch will accompany me on our holiday next week.
Thank you Kelli!
I was reminded this week of how important little acts of kindness can be. I talked to my neighbour about how long it takes to build up a network, and not so much a network of friends as just a network of familiarity.
When the supermarket checkout person knows your children by name and gives them a sweetie, when you see people you know on the way to school and can wave and say hi, when there is some kind of rapport between you and your surroundings.
In my experiences as an expat this lack of familiarity is one of the most startlingly difficult things to come to terms with. It's such a strange thing to try and quantify in words, but these little everyday interactions are, I feel, even more crucial than friends and family.
You can always phone your friends and family, but nothing prepares you for the shock of being a complete stranger in the place in which you live.
So I committed my own little calculated act of kindness this week and stopped to chat to a complete stranger.
I saw her speaking English to her three little kids so I hopped off my bike, stopped and introduced myself.
There's always the risk of seeming like a crazy person! In my own home-town I would never stop to talk to a stranger, but here it seems somehow different.
When I think about how I felt when I first came to Holland and how I would have welcomed any interaction at all with anyone, it makes me swallow my fear of appearing insane, impolite or forward, and just get on with it and say hello!
I've done it a few times before and hopefully the help that I've given some of the people I've chatted to has eased their transition into living in Holland.
Rejection is the worst that could happen, right? Once you get over the fear of rejection you can do just about anything.
PS: Pop over to my other blog to read about my garden progress.PPS: The Husband had to dress up in a dress for a Dutch competition called Papa in een Jurk. Papa makes a very good looking woman, don't you think? ;) The competition is fierce, but he might just win. The beard will be the deciding factor. If you click that link you can go look at some of the other dads.
Comments
If I had been that English-speaking woman, I would have been very grateful to you for coming over and having a chat. I know what it feels like to have no-one to talk to. Recently, I met a South African woman who's moved here from New Zealand with her family. Between myself and various contacts, we helped her find a house, a church, a rugby club for her son and a coffee morning so that she could meet other women - all in about six weeks! I think it's wonderful, knowing how bad it can be to be strange AND not understand anything, to be able to help others.
PS Your hubby looks great in a frock.
Well done for talking to strangers! Sometimes I think its very hard to make contact in your own country because people already in the area are not necessarily open to that sort of approach. It can be very hard work. (Tks for the info on bread flour; I have tracked it down! - another act of kindness for which I am v grateful)
Oh my word! I stumbled on your page so compleatly by accident. I was looking for organic produce in Holland, and so was linked here by google. I'm so glad I was.
I recently moved here from England (to live with my boyfriend). This post touched me. At the moment I speak very little Dutch and have very little interaction with anyone. I'm working on it though, looking into Dutch lang lessons.
It was nice to find you page and feel less alone.
Thank you.
Do you get many e-mails from other English-speaking expats in Holland? I get a lot of e-mails this time of year from Americans getting ready to move to Belgium or folks who have just arrived.
Brad looks very dashing. The mini is daring. Is he wearing black patent heels? So nice for spring!
Look at what your kind act did! All of these English speakers living in other countries are virtually hugging you for your act of thoughtfulness.
So nicely done!!
keep going ashleigh, dutch folk are great ones for coffee and cake and your cake would go down a treat. My family are in Holland and I am in australia so its wonderfull to hear your experiences. All the best.
I know that exact feeling of not having a network or familiar people. That is the most difficult part about living here (besides the language part). I am not really homesick, but I miss having friends around and people who know me and I can talk to about anything. Right now, still 2 months after I moved here, I still feel I'm living the Dutchie's life, as things are with his family, his friends, and I just wait for him to come home after work for my day to start. Things are getting better though, as I found a youth hostel where I volunteer 2 times a week (since I can't work yet), and I want to join a women's basektball club. But still, I'm missing that familiarity with a network of friends. Its nice to know that others have this same feeling. I think Dutch people *can* be nice...but you have to work really hard and long to break into their world for them to accept you as a real friend. That is my experience at least.
This links nicely with your earlier post about the lonely mums in the schoolyard ;)
I try to make more little comments these days, so people can politely nod and smile or make longer reply's. That's hard when you are biking past though.
I think even if you move further away within your own country you miss the feeling of 'belonging' because there's nobody familiar in the environment.
April 22, 2007 10:26 AM