Thoughts on Resilience
February 3, 2005 at 9:31 AM
by Ashleigh
I do agree about counselling sometimes being a waste of time. However, sometimes it can really help. I think that one has to be careful which branch of psychology one's practitioner specialises in. Cognitive therapy or therapy where you are actually given practical ideas on how to get yourself out of a mess are far better (personal opinion) than typical Freudian analysis or some of the other types of therapy available.
I think that later generations appear less resilient because the family network/support structure is irretrievably broken down in most people's lives. We have extra stresses and more concerns perhaps than the older generations had, even though they had world wars and economic depression to contend with. I blame it on the 1960s - people were encouraged to 'find themselves' but at the expense of general structure in work and family environments. Now, with the way our lives are and when we could most expect to lean on support structures, they are not in place.
Another factor is that previous generations were just expected to get on with it - there was no time for wallowing and no sympathy if they did. That said, they did have people to talk to and now most people who pay counsellors for their time are really paying someone to just listen to them for an hour at a time. I've had my fair share of anguish growing up and being an adult, but I don't believe that the time I spent in therapy helped me much except for one statement that the psychotherapist made which stands out clearly in my mind all the time:
If you have no expectations you cannot be disappointed.
One thing I think about a lot is the hidden tragedies in people's lives. You meet people and think you know them but quite often there is something that you don't know that when (or if) you find out strikes you as something that person would have had to be really strong of character to escape from.
My gran-in-law (hubby's gran) told me a story like this a few years ago. She had just married Brad's grandpa and he was travelling to market with his younger step-sister who was a young teenager and somehow the door of the truck opened and she fell out and he rode over her with the truck. He then had to carry her dead body about 15 miles back to the homestead and he was only about 19 at the time himself. To make it worse, he was then accused of murdering his step-sister by his father and step-mother and had to stand trial for the supposed murder! He was acquitted but they still lived with the father and step-mother during and after this whole experience. Gran said that when they married he was a different person and after this experience he retreated into himself and became very taciturn and this was how he stayed until he died.
This is an extreme example, but everyone has a tragedy in their background and the existence of a support structure is what makes or breaks their resiliency level.